after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
