I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
