oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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