Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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