My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
