put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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