First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
