in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
