Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
