Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
