yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
