I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
