im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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