I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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