i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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