Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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