So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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