Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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