THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
