I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
