WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
