so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just found puke in my bra..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
