you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
