My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
