New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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