She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
