i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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