You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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