Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
