i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
