Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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