Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
