It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
