i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
