Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
