WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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