YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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