don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
