i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
