this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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