I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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