K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
