Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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