I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
