i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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