I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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