pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
