So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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