Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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