o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
