woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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