I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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