I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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