Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
